Divine Interconnection
This week’s post is about recognising and fulfilling a basic need… a need for CONNECTION! But also making sure we look for it in the right places…
“Real Chemistry Is Rare. Real Love Is Rare. Real Support Is Rare. Real Friendship Is Rare. REAL Is Rare.
If You Find It, Keep It.”
Unknown
So, first of all, a little disclosure: I’ve come to the keyboard to write this week’s post countless times… yet the page remained empty…
There is so much inside me I want to say, yet at the same time, I just couldn’t seem to say anything…
I’ve had countless bursts of thoughts about things I want to share with you… yet they just won’t materialise; I’ve been unable to formulate them into words that would be comprehensible.
Sometimes things don’t come easily… but these often turn out to be the times that offer us the biggest benefits!
I remember once hearing this quote:
“Writing Precedes Thinking”
I have it stuck above my desk, and it’s a gentle but regular reminder to write from the heart – let the subconscious thoughts flow through my fingertips and spill out onto the page… because that’s where my most honest and insightful writing comes from…
So, instead of staring at a blank screen trying to force something ‘noteworthy’, I turned it inside out!
I went back to my ‘journaling roots’ and just sat and wrote… about whatever wanted to come out… and it turned out to be a hot mess of varying themes… a stunningly imperfect concoction of thoughts and feelings… galloping from one animated theme to another without pause… but don’t worry, you’ll be relieved to know you get the edited version: the prominent theme, not the 6-pager original!
Reaching for connection
Do you ever find yourself in need of connection?
Craving to connect with others, to feel close to others and be a part of the world that others are in…?
How do you manage those moments? What do you do to satisfy this need?
I’ve written about ‘connection’ before, and this past week I’ve noticed moments where I’ve been yearning for connection again… but a certain kind of connection.
And I’ve also noticed that I’m looking in the wrong places!
In those moments when I find myself in need of connection, I instantly… reach for my phone and scroll through social media!
Does it help me to feel ‘connected’? No!
If anything it makes me feel more isolated and removed from the world!
So why do I (repeatedly) do it? Why do I feel the urge to reach for my phone to fill the void?…
It’s a distraction!
It’s a seemingly quick fix for my current mood.
I have this uncomfortable feeling bubbling just beneath the surface that makes my skin itch, my stomach ache and my heart heavy, and instead of finding ‘healthy’ ways to explore and manage why it’s there and where it’s coming from, I look for something that takes the attention away from those feelings… instantly and effortlessly!
You see it’s quicker and easier to grab my phone, open IG or FB and scroll… (peering into other people’s days, in a false attempt to fulfil a sense of connection), than it is to message or ring someone and pursue ‘real’ connection – this takes more time, effort and determination, however, provides a much healthier, more effective and longer-term resolution, with the added power of delayed gratification!
But if we have an ‘easy’ alternative before us don’t we nearly always take that route? I know I do. The path of least resistance! Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere conducive but eventually circles back to where we started.
Sometimes we have to do the uncomfortable… choose the route that takes a little more effort … lean in to vulnerability, stretch our hands out into the dark, reach for what’s a little further in the distance, grasp hold of it tight and pull it in towards us in order to reap the benefits; those fulfilling benefits that fuel us… that help us… that last!
The right connection
So, being aware of this unhelpful distraction has made me really appreciate and value those times of good, nourishing sources of connection I’ve experienced this past week or so…
I meet with my friend ‘V’ – we have regular walk’n’talks (some weeks its more of a ramble’n’rant!) But ‘V’ is a very trusted and close friend who I am eternally grateful for. She is always there for me, ready to listen to whatever mumbo comes hurtling out my mouth, who offers me the real and genuine connection that fills me up and quietens the discomforting voice of disconnection. With her, I can be completely honest, my true self, and share anything without ever being in fear of judgement.
Deep connections like this can be rare and are so special.I’ve also connected with someone new this week, a mum from ‘A’s school. We’ve always offered the polite hello’s as we pass on the school run, but this week we met for coffee and spent an hour and a half non-stop nattering!
Perhaps a manifestation that there are people who, like me, aspire after deep, heartfelt and honest conversations, we just need to be willing to be vulnerable enough to enable it…
These were both unguarded, sincere and meaningful sources of connection for me… the kind that makes me feel alive!
The power of connection
I recently heard this quote:
“The Opposite Of Addiction Is Connection”
Johann Hari
What are your thoughts on this?
Johann Hari talks about our innate need to form ‘bonds’, and if we don’t bond socially with other people, we’ll bond to something else – often an unhealthy alternative like alcohol, drugs, shopping, food, gambling… social media!
Obviously this is an extreme example, but I think it’s an important message we need to receive…
And it’s why I’m so passionate about having real and honest conversations and sharing our stories because it's what allows us to connect profoundly.
When we can share our experiences, we allow others to do the same, it says – I’m here! I see you! I’ve felt and experienced this!
It builds the kind of connection that as a species we crave, it provides psychological benefits and fulfils some of our most basic human needs. If we don’t have this sense of love… and belonging… and acceptance? Then we are more likely to experience mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.
So try to be that person that someone might be in need of…
because if we can give others the space and safety to share, without judgement, we offer them a fulfilling connection that improves their emotional wellbeing and prevents them from finding unhealthier ‘bonds’ or distractions elsewhere…
So, let’s talk… let’s connect 💞
Never underestimate your contribution
Why not say “hi” or share your thoughts and comments here, I’d love to hear from you:
“The opposite of addiction is connection.” I love that so much.
I think in the 21st Century a lot of us are feeling the connection drought you’re talking about.
Thank you for this reminder of how important it is to be conscious of it. Even just starting by diving into the discomfort and feeling it is better than the seeming quick fix of addiction.