Festive Pressures
“The Most Beautiful Things In Life Are Not Things. They’re People And Places And Memories And Pictures. They’re Feelings And Moments And Smiles And Laughter”
(Unknown)
So, I want to talk about Christmas!
That huge elephant-in-the-room, that’s lurking in my shadow, camouflaged under tinsel and fairy lights!
Now, I love Christmas, absolutely love it… BUT it also comes with huge amounts of snowballing anxiety.
A small task can turn into a never-ending escalator of striving for perfection - a dizzying and unrealistic feat!
And I put this pressure on myself, with thoughts like:
But ‘S’ might be at work next year… so I need to make this year perfect!
The boys won’t be this age for ever… so I need to make it perfect while they’re young!
What if a tsunami hits middle-England … I need to make this year perfect just in case!
And heaven-forbid I should dare to listen to other people’s Christmassy plans, or see picture-perfect visions on social media – that just leaves me feeling like a sorry state of Christmas affairs! Guilty that my kids aren’t partaking in this year’s festive ‘must-see’!
It all leads to a state of panic as I approach Christmas Eve! Have I got a festive-fragranced candle or extra-wide foil for the tiny sparrow-sized turkey that only needs to feed me and ‘S’!?
And so this year, I am vowing to stop myself before this yuletide cyclone hits!
I’m challenging myself to think differently…
I notice ‘perfection’ seems to be a common theme for me… But what is “perfection”???
It most definitely is not extra-wide foil and cinnamon spiced candles!!
A perfect Christmas would be the simple things (the cliché ones), like being together… fun… enjoying each other’s company (precarious when it comes to sugar-high kids and mass family gatherings)… and of course the obligatory tub of Quality Street… or Roses… or Heroes - I’m not fussy!
And I know I want to make Christmas ‘perfect’ for my children… but what principles am I instilling in them around the spirit of Christmas with my irrational sense of perfection? A focus on the accomplishments completely missing the things that really matter!
Yes presents are a very important part of Christmas for kids… but we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for the fact that we can’t get them everything they want – this is a very important ‘life lesson’!
And when I think back to my cherished Christmases as a child, I don’t remember the presents (well… except for that baby-pink Raleigh racing bike… with the white satin handlebars! THE most amazing thing in the world … well, until that is, the day the ludicrously skinny tyres (notorious of said bike), got wedged down a drain cover, hurling me off like a game of Buckaroo!)
What I really remember is family and warmth and love … chaos and excitement and laughter.
Waking up at 4am, piling on our mum and dads bed, begging them to get up.
The magic of being awake so early, when the streets outside were still jet black and strangely silent.
My nan joining us for Christmas, setting up camp on the sofa, (our very own ‘sofa surfing’ pensioner). The amusement my brothers, sister and I found in watching her nod off by early-afternoon, (yet unbelievably remain upright!?!?)… because she too had been rudely awoken at 4am!
My gran also coming over to join the festivities. Getting involved with the festive fun and giggles, and always on hand to make another cup of tea.
The two of them doing the mammoth task of washing up after dinner, laughing hysterically when they realise that while one of them has been drying the pots and putting them on the side, the other has been picking them up again, and taking them for another plunge in the washing-up bowl – all plates, bowls and cups had probably done 3 rounds with the bubbles and tea towel by the end!
My mum’s delicious cooking, with enough food to feed Santa and all his elves!
Us all piled around the extendable table, using anything within reaching distance that would pass for a seat: toy box, upturned laundry basket or even the 4-stone tank that was our Vax hoover (this was the 90s!) with a cushion precariously balanced on top.
Pulling crackers over dinner, bemused by the notoriously bad jokes inside, Christmas hats gradually getting more lopsided as we reached the Christmas pudding, trading novelty gifts that will never be used for their intended purpose, and a plastic jumping frog ending up in the gravy…
My dad visiting elderly relatives and friends of the family who were on their own at Christmas, always offering a lift and a bit of company…
And I feel so lucky to have experienced this as a child. I know that so many children aren’t even lucky enough to have a safe, warm home or family at Christmas.
And I think of all the families that must be struggling just to keep their homes warm enough this year, struggling to keep up with the ridiculously extortionate price increases on food …let alone any other struggles they might be facing…
It can be such a difficult time of year.
So, so what if my kids are most definitely not unwrapping a PS5 on Christmas Day (Sorry ‘E’ but we can’t afford to remortgage!) They’re going to be surrounded by love and family, cheap crackers and Christmas telly…
And I’m mindful that other people’s Christmases will probably look very different to ours, but that’s OK, we are all different, and our visions of Christmas will look different (apart from the fact that we’re all hopelessly trying to emerge at the other end of this with some sanity intact!).
So let’s try and focus on all those little things… that mean the most… to ‘us’!
Merry Christmas everyone!
Much love x