Finding Balance…
That Blissful But Elusive Balance
"Balance Is Not Something You Find, It's Something You Create"
Jana Kingsford
Oh blissful but elusive balance!
I feel I’m forever chasing you… and that supreme sense of content.
Realisation
Over the past couple of years I’ve become more aware that balance is the very ideal of life (of my life anyway)… yet practically impossible to obtain.
I hear myself so often saying in conversation… “It’s all about finding the balance…” to the extent that it’ll probably end up on my headstone!
But so much in my life revolves around balance:
Letting the boys have ‘screen time’… but not too much!
How much easier it would be to go ‘all or nothing’ with this one!Trying to eat ‘healthily’… but not completely forbidding that bar of chocolate… glass of wine (or 2!) …or calorific pudding, every so often!
To comfort and reassure the boys when they’re upset… but not to incite a ruminating state of wallowing or become the unwavering (& ultimately hindering) rescuer.
Instead, offer them tools to self-soothe and problem-solve, and the encouragement to find the strength and determination to brush themselves off and move on.From giving them the independence to make their own decisions (like choosing their own clothes to wear, even if that does involve every possible colour and pattern in their wardrobe…at the same time…AND leaving the house!) But also guiding them in the right direction (one outlandishly glorious colour and pattern at a time!)
Finding the sweet spot between nurturing parent and controlling parent; to reside in supportive mode whilst recognising the duty to teach, guide and impart necessary boundaries (obviously in the more important aspects of life than outfits).Believe that money doesn’t equal happiness, and not being motivated by it… but also desiring enough to bring peace and security to my family.
Keeping the boys busy and entertained… but also allowing them the opportunity to get bored sometimes!
May sound pretty outlandish, but it’s really important, as it helps them to learn self-sufficiency, creativity and problem-solving (if, of course, I can stand the ensued whining for long enough for any of that to manifest!?!)To care about what people think… but not too much!! (Cue the over-sensitivity siren!)
To spend time with the boys separately, to spend quality time with ‘S’, to spend precious time with family and with friends… but not spread myself too thinly!
To be a present, loving, and fun (hhmmm!?) mum… but also learning to unashamedly take time for precious (& vital) self-care.
To accept that anxiety is a part of life, and a necessary emotion; not trying to completely prevent it… but also not letting it become overwhelming and hindering!
I’m forever seeking a sense of equilibrium – but how do I harmoniously marry two forces?
And then I think of all the tiny ‘weights’ that can easily tip the balance!
It’s like a juggling act in a circus, wobbling this way and that on a unicycle, hysterically trying to keep everything up in the air!
So, how can I blend more balance into my life?
Well isn’t that a million-dollar question!?
I’m sure if I knew the answer I would not be sitting here frantically mind mapping ideas!…
Maybe thinking small?
Not trying to have full days of one thing, but snippets merged into my day.
Like giving the boys an hour or two of uninterrupted attention, then feeling ok to spend some time studying; and not feeling guilty that they’re on the computer or lounging around watching TV.
Getting out for a dog walk together or having a kick around at the park, then having a nice (uninterrupted) meal with ‘S’ when the boys are in bed, or taking an hour to have a relaxing bath…
And I must stress here that these are the things I aspire to! Not what I am actually achieving in my day-to-day!
In reality, I already know it will probably go something like this…
Me: “Boys, shall we do something together?”
Them: “No”
Me: OK I’ll just do an hour of study then…
An hour later…
Me: “Boys, shall we go for a walk?”
Them: “No”
Me: OK, I’ll just cram a bit more study in…
Several blurry hours later…
Me: Oh damn its nearly 7pm and I haven’t even thought about tea?!!?
Me: “Boys do you fancy a bowl of porridge tonight???”…
Finally they’re in bed (but probably not asleep!). It’s gone 9pm and ‘S’ is waking me up because I’ve fallen asleep somewhere (anywhere!), realising I’ve failed at every aspect of balance in my day yet again!
Pessimistic? Or realistic?!?!
I’m not actually sure!
Insight
Will I ever find that tranquil balance?
Is it just a far-off dream I’ll forever be chasing?
Is it a life-long journey that needs weaving into the path of my life, like a synthetic thread woven into the tapestry?
Or… is it simply insight; identifying a desire for balance will evoke a sharpened ability to identify and incorporate it into my life?… We shall see.