Journaling Through The Rages
This week’s post is all about my recent THERAPEUTIC JOURNALING experience… a journey from emotional suppression to awareness and sharing.
“Journal Writing Is A Voyage To The Interior”
Christina Baldwin
So… I have briefly talked about journaling before: Journaling & freewriting.
But I have taken this up a notch and just completed a 12-week therapeutic journaling course, aptly named “RAGE ON A PAGE!!!”
And it was incredible!
There were four of us in this small, intimate and comfortingly safe space.
We started as four strangers, coming together from different places (literally and metaphorically), but by the end we were meeting up in real life (except one member who is on another continent, missed you ‘A’). Where we spent a glorious afternoon browsing book shops, chatting over coffee like old friends and have posh afternoon tea in the stunning city of Oxford.
We had shared such a sacred space through this journey that we’d developed a deep bond.
And this is something I have come to realise, how much I appreciate, and even crave, deep meaningful connections… those which emerge through vulnerability, respect and compassion.
So why did I decide to join the programme?
People gravitate to ‘Rage on a Page’ for a whole host of reasons and motivators… it’s completely individual.
But if you’ve read my recent posts you’ll probably guess why I showed up… yes, my cancer diagnosis is what fundamentally led me there…
I mean how do we wrap our heads around cancer?
How do we accept it when we’ve been diagnosed?
How do we function with this huge cloud looming over us every waking minute…?
How do we even begin to process the thoughts and feelings that arise?
And how do we manage and support other people’s emotions around it, especially our children’s?
Well, surprise, surprise, these were the thoughts floating around my head that I was struggling with, and as you can probably guess my default when I’m struggling with thoughts and emotions is to take a deep dive onto the page!
Even my final year dissertation was based around the concept of writing for wellbeing, and journaling being a recognised tool in the promotion of mental health by raising self-awareness and offering insight into our thoughts and emotions.
But yet the strangest thing happened… I couldn’t write about this!!
I couldn’t write about my cancer… I couldn’t put down on paper how I felt, the thoughts going through my head, express the fears, release the anger and frustration, so it was just spinning around in my head - which I know wasn’t good – this can lead to rumination and a downward spiral, I needed to find a way to release them.
So, in a beautiful twist of serendipity, this opportunity came before me, and I grabbed it, not just with both hands but with my whole being, and it has completely changed me in terms of acknowledging my diagnosis!
The Programme
“RAGE ON A PAGE”??? Heck yes!!! You could say there was a modicum of rage within me!?!
The programme was created and delivered by the beautiful and magnificently talented Tanya [See here to find out more about her and the programmes she delivers at Ease Retreats].
We had weekly online sessions, 1-to-1s, a WhatsApp group chat, and guest speakers.
And it wasn’t about learning to write about cancer – the gift of being guided by someone as talented as Tanya is that she has the magical gift of prompting you to acknowledge what you need to, whilst making it relevant and diverse to all!
After all, no matter what our circumstances, situations or details surrounding an experience, our emotions are all the same!
And Tanya and the other members of the group were so welcoming that some weeks I would turn up in my comfies, with no make-up on (which let me tell you means me with practically no eyebrows currently and a vision of nightmares!) but that’s how safe and supported I felt, and I think is also why I managed to gain so much from the experience.
My experience: so what did I discover?
1. The first thing I learnt is that there are so many types of journaling!
It doesn’t have to be neat!
It doesn’t even have to be coherent!
And there are so many ways of doing it. For example:
a. Micro-movements
Between two and five minutes of timed freewriting.
b. Timed prompts
Writing about a particular ‘topic’ for a set time. And the importance of stopping when the time’s up… however, if you feel you have more to write, then do the prompt again and this will provide therapeutic benefits.
c. Frame the day
Journaling in the morning and at the end of day.
d. Bullet points
e. Gratitude journaling
f. Mind maps
I love a good colourful mind map, but who knew it was a type of journaling. It doesn’t have to be words, it could be drawings or pictures.
g. Sentence stems
A list of sentence starters to get you going.
h. Body scan
Taking notice of physical sensations in our body, and what this is trying to communicate to us.
i. Timelines
Spotting patterns, themes and recurring events, and recognising our core values and the things that matter the most to us.
I noticed here how the negative events can be so overshadowing of the positive ones, but an exercise like this altered my perception to recall the good times, the things that went right and my progress and achievements.
It also suddenly struck me as quite perplexing that we don’t give our values more thought and attention - It’s one sure-fire way to align our lives with contentment and happiness.
2. My favourite “AHA” moments
ONE word!
Journaling doesn’t have to be pages of beautifully scripted text – it can be just one word!
It can be filled with spelling mistakes (the SPaG police won’t be calling!)
It can make no sense – and mine often doesn’t!! Don’t be under any illusion that the entries I share with you here are what my journaling looks like every day! Sometimes I’m barely sure it’s English!Take a different view
Writing things down allows us to see things from a different perspective.Let’s problem-solve
I find that when I’m writing, I’ll naturally navigate into problem-solving and often end on a positive, which provides benefits to wellbeing in itself, and this is probably because journaling enables us to engage in cognitive processing – using our brains to process and understand thoughts and emotions and working towards actions.Physical release
I realised how writing is physically enabling me to release the emotion, the tension and the anger that congregates in my body.
And this release of emotion is an absolute necessity for long term emotional wellbeing.
Also, as someone who doesn’t really swear – the pages of my journal can sometimes be filled with a whole host of expletives! But that’s OK… Sometimes it’s needed, and the only way we can articulate something is through a barrage of f*bombs!Learning to flip the script
Mum guilt – (Oh hello there stubborn friend!)
So, one of my journal entries expressed the pressure I’m putting on myself to parent as the boys deserve and the pressure to ‘hold it together’ - that stiff upper lip codswallop (yes I do sometimes channel my inner 90-year-old in my writing).
But as I was writing about this, I started to ask myself – but what is this showing the boys? To hold everything in, buckle down and just get on… the complete opposite to what I want them to be doing.
I try to encourage them to share, release and talk about their feelings… so shouldn’t I be doing the same?!…
“But then maybe I’m still learning myself. Maybe me and the boys are practising this together, and that’s OK, in fact it’s really quite special”
…Welcome back my faithful cheerleader ‘self-compassion’!!
3. Precious Personal Prompts
Tanya would talentedly take a word we had mentioned within the group session and create personalised prompts for us to do during the week, and it was incredible how they encouraged the reflection that I didn’t even know I needed.
-Please feel free to have a go at some of the personal prompts I was given on the programme, and why not let me know how you get on.
TIME:
What does the concept of time mean to you?
How has your perception of time evolved throughout different stages of your life?
Write about a significant moment where time felt either fleeting or endless.
This enabled me to address a period of grieving I felt at getting older (perhaps prompted by the big 4-0 a couple of years ago!?) and also grieving for the time when my children were babies – a realisation that I haven’t been in the present and noticed the speed at which time was passing, or how my children were growing… like I was on autopilot and not living in the moment.
However, funnily enough since my diagnosis I’ve come to really appreciate time in such a significant way!
In my journal I wrote:
“My diagnosis has allowed me to appreciate time and its sacred and beautiful complexity, but also its fragility.”
GROUNDED:
Reflect on the sources of strength in your life.
What or who grounds you during times of chaos or uncertainty?
For me this is Steve…
“…he is strong in all the ways I don’t feel like I am.“
I then went on to explore nature and how I find strength in the natural surroundings, whether it’s taking a walk in the local park when I’m feeling overwhelmed:
“…it gives me grounding, calm and peace. It allows me to breathe when my lungs feel starved…”
Or the strength I take from just thinking about the resilience, and at the same time, ease of nature:
“…the flowers that die back, retreating underground when things get dark and cold, and it’s no place for them. They retreat and protect themselves, ready to re-emerge in a beautiful display of colour and delicacy with the warmth and brightness of the spring sun.”
IT’S OK NOT TO FEEL OK
Embracing vulnerability – Reflect on the emotions you’re experiencing.
What specific feelings are present, and how comfortable are you with allowing yourself to feel them without judgement or pressure?
This prompt encouraged me to reflect on the emotions I’m feeling, and most importantly, reminding me to offer myself compassion:
“It feels so freeing to admit [how I’m feeling] To write… to release. It’s like a weight has been eased off my chest and I’ve just sighed and feel as though I’m able to breathe more freely. It hasn’t changed the situation. But I’ve faced it… and said ‘I see you!’”.
One of my biggest areas of personal growth on the programme was learning to address and write about current emotions… at the time I am feeling them rather than in a reflective way afterwards!
If I can acknowledge it at the time then I can do something about it and positively alter my frame of mind – again engaging the cognitive abilities of the brain.
AND I’ve also learnt to share my emotions with other people, something I have always struggled with.
At the end of the day…
It’s not how we do it that matters, the important thing is being able to acknowledge and release our thoughts and emotions…
Why not have a go yourself at journaling… maybe start with five consecutive days and see what comes up… or just write one word a day for a week… or jot down a few words while you’re waiting for the kettle to boil for your morning cup of tea…
Let me know how you got on, I’d love to hear from you.
EASE RETREATS
To find out more about Tanya’s journaling programmes and writing retreats see here:
***SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT***
Next Saturday I will be hosting an Instagram Live with Tanya from Ease Retreats – sharing my experience of therapeutic journaling and chatting to Tanya about why she set up Rage on a Page and the benefits of therapeutic journaling.
Want to hear more? Then we’d love to have you join us.
SATURDAY 30th March
10am
Follow the link to my Instagram Page: https://www.instagram.com/jules.stead/