Masking and Unmasking
What it means and why we do it...
“The Privilege Of A Lifetime Is To Become Who You Truly Are”
Carl Jung
So, last week at work, I met a new member of staff and instantly got the feeling I already knew her…
And when she said to me, “I recognise you…”, it reassured me that I wasn’t imagining it!
But then it led down that rabbit hole of WHERE do I know her from?
Is it a historic connection or a recent one?
Do we know each other well enough that we’ve had conversations, or is it like that time I over-enthusiastically shouted “Hi!” to the postman in the Co-op, (my brain recognising his face and misplacing him in the friendly section of acquaintances, to which I received an alarming look of, ‘Should I know this woman?’)
And then a few days later, it finally struck me, (my brain working overtime in the archives to find this one), I know her from… drum roll please… the park!
More precisely, on the park while walking our dogs. Funny how you see a local dog walker out of context, i.e., without dog, and you cannot place them for love nor money.
Anyway, after the initial internal celebration that I’d finally quashed that bug, my immediate response was… “Oh my gosh, how did I come across?… Was I polite?… I hope I wasn’t rude!… What did I say to her?”
Two worlds colliding - I was considering work-Julie in a home-Julie environment, and I’m the kinda girl that usually, yet unintentionally, segments life, in an illogical attempt at order.
And in all honesty, most of the time when I’m walking the dog these days, I just don’t have the energy for interaction, I’m either too tired (always), walking at 6 am (not so always), or I’m desperately trying to look like I have calm control over my 1-year-old hyper-pup!
Am I being me?
My next thought, and the important one I want to share, was:
Am I being authentic if I have to worry about these things?
Am I being the real ‘me’ in either context?
Well, the truth is, we all behave differently in different situations, and rightly so, I mean you wouldn’t want to be unreservedly prancing around the office, let loose and fancy free as you would on a wild night out, nor would you want to share the intimately personal you with a complete stranger like you would your closest family.
We all wear different masks depending on the situation we’re in, and that’s OK. It’s a way for us to connect with the world in personally, socially and situationally acceptable ways.
So, does wearing these masks make us inauthentic?
Some people believe so. But me, I’m not so sure… I think if we know who we are on the inside, are aware of the masks we wear and why, but also recognise when those masks are no longer needed and it is safe to peel them away… then I think we are still being authentic.
My misaligned masks
For years, I maintained an iron-clad mask to keep people at a distance… to protect the fragile me that hid inside.
And it wasn’t until only a few years ago that I realised I was wearing these inauthentic masks because I did not truly know who I was, nor was I comfortable with ‘me’, so how could I show the world a true version of myself?
Following a deep journey of self-discovery, I learnt that I didn’t need this permanent fixture anymore.
That it’s OK to be vulnerable and let certain people see the most unguarded version of me.
In the right space with the right people, I could let the veil fall…
But do not fear, you do not need to go on a three-year expedition to your inner most wilderness to discover what is authentically you!
Start with curiosity…
What matters to you?
What makes you feel alive?
What do you stand up for?
What challenges have you overcome that make you who you are today?
What makes you most happy?
As long as we are aware of who we are on the inside, beneath these temporary ‘masks’, and we live in line with our core values and beliefs, then I believe we are still being authentic.
Masks are the not the whole
Masks can merely be a tool for self-preservation whilst respecting appropriate conduct.
It’s like a protective layer; our personality, past experiences, current situations, and impressionable people may determine the density of these masks, to help shield us, but it doesn’t represent our entirety.
You see, we are not one-dimensional; Human beings are the most complex and cognitively advanced species.
We are beautifully and intricately multifaceted.
How about you? What masks do you feel you need to wear, and why? And do masks make you feel inauthentic?
Take care and much love,
Julie x
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I’m convinced that we all carry multiple versions of ourselves! Whether it’s the professional, the playful, or the vulnerable side, we lean into whichever version fits the moment. For me, that isn't being 'fake' it's just being human. It’s about having the range to show up appropriately for the people and circumstances in our lives ! Xx
What a synchronicity. I had a similar post this month. If you are curious, here is the link: https://magdalenagereva.substack.com/p/unmasked