People DO Care!
“Everyone Needs A Support System, Be It Family, Friends, Coworkers, Therapists, Or Religious Leaders. We Cannot Do Life Alone And Expect To Keep Mentally, Emotionally, And Spiritually Healthy. Everyone Needs Some Sort Of Support System On Which To Rely”
Richelle E. Goodrich
So, I’ve been struggling the past few days, weeks even, with increasing anxiety.
Struggling to get a grip of it.
Only seeing the negative side.
Everything it’s endeavouring to stop me from doing.
All the doubts filling my head.
The confidence it’s hampering.
The struggle it’s causing and more challenging it’s making everyday tasks.
But then I started to think about all the people around me – my support network.
And how grateful I am for them.
How much easier they make these moments of struggle.
Lots of little reminders that people care
Initiated by a heartening card I got through the door from my (honorary) sister-in-law.
It came at the perfect time! All day I’d felt this faint disquiet rising within me; my breathing simultaneously growing shallower.
And then, on the afternoon school run, I started feeling a bit lightheaded … and nauseous … and then my hands started shaking. I was like a ridiculously over-sized Jiggly Pet.
But it was when I got home from school that this card was waiting for me in my letterbox. Like a warm comforting hug. A beacon of solace. A gesture of connection.
A cute card that read “Keep going, you can do this”.
The impact sent ripples through my awareness.
It nudged me to recognise those I have around me, who care and support me.
My partner, my poor partner ‘S’…
Not only financially supporting me but more importantly psychologically supporting me.
Witnessing the ‘assessment-time’ meltdowns.
The late nights in front of the laptop.
Early mornings still in front of the laptop.
Barely noticing anyone else’s presence. If lucky receiving the occasional grunt that I am still alive.
Picking up the slack (& there’s a lot of that as the term goes on!) ... All alongside his arduous work shifts.
I am forever grateful for his love and support… and perseverance!!
Then there’s my mum and dad…
Always there for support. Physically and emotionally.
Sometimes just a hug from them braces me enough to let go of all the baggage for a second. And gives me a much-needed boost of determination!
Yes, I’m hurtling towards middle age much quicker than I’d like, but I still cherish a hug from my parents like I’m 5 years old!
Not to mention the physical support. Childminding duties. Help with school runs. Coming to my rescue at weekends and school holidays when I’m swamped with assessments and can’t simultaneously parent and study!
Multi-tasking consistently appears to elude my skills set!
My lovely sister, who is so empathetic.
The greatest listener. She would make an amazing counsellor. She has the natural ability to listen and understand, and above all she genuinely cares.
And I’m lucky to have her as my ‘personal therapist’ - Sorry sis you’ll have to send me a bill - my I.O.U’s must be through the roof by now!
Faithful friends…
I’m the kind of person who only has a few friends, but close and treasured friends.
One of my oldest and best friends, although now living halfway around the world, still there at the drop of a hat. On the other end of a WhatsApp message. Visible through video call. And that emotional support still as effective virtually as it was physically.
Even though I do miss those great big bear hugs (oh there’s those hugs again). Often accompanied with a great letting-go sigh of relief … Non-verbal understanding of parenting woes … Or damp shoulders as we surrendered the tears we’ve been choking back.
Another trusted friend, one I can pretty much say anything to.
My ‘emotional health’ and supportive-friend specialist.
Always understanding.
Always listening.
Always interested and giving the best advice.
Regularly checking-in with me, and often barraged with replies of angst and self-pity - sorry ‘V’!
My uni comrades…
Understanding, kind, supportive … invaluable! They’ll never know how much I appreciate them!
Their soothing presence, kind faces and precious support.
I definitely wouldn’t pull through this without them.
To all our wonderful neighbours…
Looking out for us – or more accurately looking out for our dog – who I accidentally managed to lock out of the house at the weekend as I went off to run some errands - Sorry Ruby!!
Four of them came over to check on her, and one kindly took her in until I returned. Completely oblivious to my blunder, which is still haunting me now – I think I may be having a very doddery decline towards senility! Goodness help us all when I’m 80?!
And one lovely neighbour, and now a close friend. I’m always grateful for our therapeutic ‘walk and talk’s. Who also generously walked Ruby every day when we were all confined to isolation with Covid in December!
And many more people (I won’t bore you with an unrelenting list – I’m already aware of my weighty word count!).
But people I’m grateful for every day … a moment of kindness, a listening ear, understanding, caring, and of course any heartening hugs that come along too.
Gratitude
I hope this isn’t sounding like some charming movie set, that’s not what I’m trying to convey.
I’m just aware that I sometimes overlook the precious people in my life.
And it’s enlightening to stop and realise how lucky I am, and how much I appreciate them.
In all honestly, I’m someone who has sometimes looked at other people and been green-eyed with envy of their friendship groups – those who have masses of friends, the ones who meet every week, holiday every year, been friends since birth kinda relationships. Or perhaps this is my imagined reality of other people’s lives?!
But I’ve come to realise I just need to change my perspective.
Look inwards and see what I have!
It's amazing what wonder can appear when we look that little bit closer.
Hold on … let me take some responsibility
I need to recognise my accountability here, about old friendships.
Maybe I’ve not allowed some of my past relationships to strengthen and flourish, because I’ve always felt a need to hide parts of myself. Maybe unintentionally presenting a false persona and regrettably pushing people away.
As I’ve tried to be more authentically me over the past couple of years, and open up to people about how I really am, how I’m really feeling, what’s really going on ... I think it’s opened up opportunities for deeper connections.
But it’s not easy. A part of this journey is accepting and even embracing all of myself. Even those bits I don’t particularly like - I have a fair few!! But I’m getting better at it. And it’s also getting easier as time goes on.
Being OK with reaching out for help…
So I need to remember this – it’s ok to reach out for help.
To admit when I’m struggling. There’s no shame in it! In fact there is a lot of courage in our vulnerabilities.
And maybe, in doing so, it might help others to feel they’re able to be more open, and hopefully I can be a source of help, support and kindness to them too.