The Stories We Tell Ourselves
We need to be careful of the stories we tell ourselves… because we end up believing them!
“Watch What You Tell Yourself, You’re Likely To Believe It”
Russ Kyle
This week, whilst doing his homework, ‘E’ announced, “I’ll never be able to do this.…I’m so bad at it…”
He was struggling with one piece of work and was getting frustrated and angry with himself.
And I was there trying to convince him that’s not true. That he’s not bad at his homework, or that he doesn’t have the ability to learn to do it…
It’s just a thought and THOUGHTS AREN’T FACTS!
Yet if he said it enough to himself then yes he would believe it and it will play out exactly as his thoughts have told him, because he’d convince himself this was his truth!
Instead we need to change the script and take control back over the situation…
I was trying to encourage him to adjust his self-talk from ‘I can’t do this’… ‘I’m so rubbish’… ‘I’ll never get this’… to more positive and progressive suggestions like, “this is difficult but I’m trying”… “I can get this”… “If I keep trying I will understand it”…
Did it work… well I’ll let you know!
But it’s about switching to a ‘growth mindset’ – believing that we can improve ourselves over time.
What about my story?
But it’s really shone a light on my own internal dialogue, standing up there on centre stage, pulling the strings on my own inherent belief system.
How often do I tell myself “I cant”… “I’ll never”, … communicating dialogue that sounds so convincingly true, but is only a thought I’m telling myself…
So, I’ve been keeping a close eye on the stories I’m telling myself recently, things like:
“You’re failing as a parent”
“You’re letting the boys down”
“I’m losing my grip”
“I’ll never do that, or achieve this”
“You have no will power”
“You never stick at things”
“You always say the wrong thing”
“You’ll never be competent”
Sometimes it’s first person and sometimes it’s third person – what does this mean? Just self-talk… the harsh rasp of my inner critic… perhaps someone else’s voice from my past???
But the thing is, if I talk to myself this way, then I am going to start believing it and LIVING it!! Because that is what I am focussed on.
If I tell myself “I can’t” or “I won’t” then of course I won’t, because I’m conditioning myself to believe that and follow it as if it is my ‘truth’.
But it doesn’t have to be!
All of the above phrases are put downs, all so demeaning, chipping away at my spirit like an abusive captor.
But, here’s the beauty… it’s my choice! It’s coming from me – so I get to decide what I tell myself and what I want to believe…
It is within my power!
I’m aware of it now, taking notice of what I’ve been telling myself… and so I’m going to change what I’m saying!!
I’m going to the give the lead character a different dialogue, I’m going to get her to be the heroin, change the tempo, fill the stage with optimism… positivity… light… singing… laughter… hope.
Because I get to write the script, I get to choose what I want to believe, I get to write my own story…!!