It’s Tough Out Here
These are the words a friend said to me recently, reminding me I'm not alone…
“Mental Health... Is Not A Destination, But A Process. It's About How You Drive, Not Where You're Going.”
Noam Shpancer
This post is in celebration of Mental Health Awareness week (12-18 May 2025)
My mental health can feel like my best friend when it’s good, but my worst enemy when I’m struggling!
And something that’s been impacting my mental health recently… is pressure, expectation… responsibility… (the usual life things!)
But as I’ve paused to reflect on this I see that it’s ME… it’s me who’s putting pressure on myself… it’s me who’s placing expectations on myself!
I’ve been struggling with writing again recently… coming to the page and having nothing to give… because I don’t have capacity; mentally or emotionally.
I have a number of posts drafted and waiting in the wings, but even so, I couldn’t finish them… couldn’t attain the final execution, no matter how I tried.
And I’ve been pretty hard on myself, pushing and forcing, yet this is just where I’m at… this is how it is for me, right here, right now. THIS IS AUTHENTIC.
And perhaps this writer’s block is my mind’s way of showing me that I need to look after me for a little while, and be patient because it will return… but only once I’ve given myself some nurturing space… then my creativity will come back to join the party… then I’ll start regaining some clarity and capacity…
Authenticity and Self-compassion
I talk about authenticity and self-compassion a lot, about being real and true to ourselves and showing up exactly as we are, but the truth is, I still struggle with it myself… and that’s OK.
I’ve come to realise that it’s a continuing cycle… an ongoing process of losing my way and coming back… of getting stuck and then reminding myself of what I need and lovingly turning inwards for a little while…
And the more I do this, the quicker it is for me to recognise, and the shorter those struggles last.
At the end of the day, we are all human… our minds, our experiences and our emotions are in constant flux, changing from one moment to the next, so how are we ever supposed to keep up…
What matters is that we keep trying!
Come back to the journal
My faithful, never faltering companion, always there to hold my hand through the sometimes-rocky terrain of emotional wellbeing, is my journal.
But even the sight of a blank page recently has added to the (self-inflicted) pressure of expectation, opening its arms wide before me in invitation to be filled…
So I opted for a little guidance and support to find my way back… I used this prompt from the journaling pathfinder that is Tanya at With Ease:
“What is it you really need today?”
And one simple word appeared on the page… kindness!
Self-kindness!
Shortly followed by a flurry of other words, some illegible, not making sense and (shock-horror) not grammatically correct, but then this is the beauty of journaling, it can be messy, it doesn’t have to make sense, it doesn’t even have to be words… you get to do it your way, there are no rules (all of which by the way usually makes me break out into a cold sweat!)
But this prompt encouraged me to acknowledge where I was at, in that very moment:
“Today. My head is full. My body is tired. My patience is thin. My frustrations are high... but you know what, that's all OK because what really matters is... this is real, this is authentic… this is how things are and this is what I'm working with.
What's important now is how I move on... with kindness, self-compassion, authenticity, and finding positive ways that will help me clear my cluttered mind, release the anger and frustration… doing things that made me happy and content and that fill me up…”
And it's OK to show up in smaller ways
If you find you can’t manage the usual tasks… then that’s OK, be present in any miniscule way you can… and if you can’t manage that, then let it go and take a loving break.
For me, after struggling to produce sentences and complete posts to share here, I decided to share one small quote a day through May… still offering what I can, but without the pressure of pushing and forcing when I just couldn’t find it…
Video from Jules.Stead on Instagram
And now look, taking a step back, offering a smaller, more manageable gesture has freed up enough for me to create this post…
It’s like when we get stuck in traffic, revving the engine at a standstill won’t get us anywhere, but if we leave the motorway and look for little side roads to keep us moving forward, eventually they will lead us back, and along the way we may even see beautiful countryside we’ve never noticed before.
Never forget the power of sharing
I shared with a friend recently that I’m done with adulting! (Can I get a “heck-yeah”!)
I’d like to cash in some ‘time-off-in-leu’ please! Surely I’ve accrued enough to take a year-long holiday in the Bahamas right?!
And she simply said:
“I feel you… it’s tough out here”…
And the power of those few words was enough for me to feel supported… connected… and to plug back in to the grid… because I realised it’s not just me…
So I’m extending this supportive gesture to you…
If you’re done with adulting… if you have responsibilities and pressures that are wearing, if you want to clock out and fly off to an exotic destination where there is nothing but a quiet beach, some books and a whole lot of peace (and maybe a margherita or two!), then please hear this:
“I feel you… it’s tough out here”
But you’re not alone… we’re all here with you 💞
Take care and much love,
Julie x
I’m sharing positive quotes every day during May to offer some support, encouragement and a little joy, so why not join me and follow my SubStack notes here:
This Mental Health Week is all about the positive impact ‘community’ can have on our mental health. Find out more here.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health then please reach out, there are people who want to help. Visit my helpful links page for more information.