No Such Thing As The Perfect Parent
We all wish we were, but there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, right? Well, that would depend on what you perceive to be perfect…
“All children need for healthy cognitive growth is: Food, Shelter and Unconditional Love”.
Carl Rogers
Being ‘the perfect parent’ is about being the right kind of perfect for your child!
I have people in my life who I look at with such awe at the types of parents they are! I mean they are incredible!
Their resilience… their determination… their compassion… their nurturing…
They do everything they can to support and encourage their children… to give them what they ‘need’ – and I’m not talking materialistic here; I’m not talking money, possessions and ‘things’, I’m talking mentally, physically and emotionally…
Parenting is hard! Hard in ways you can’t ever imagine until you find yourself right there in it!
But these people don’t wane in their responsibility, they don’t shy away from any of this – they continue to step up to the challenges, doing whatever it takes, whatever they possibly can…
I look up to them like a keen student, aspiring to reach only a fraction of their parenting prowess!
To me, they’re superheroes!
To me, they’re perfecting parenting!
But you know, the most remarkable thing is, these are the same people who question their capabilities… they’re people I’ve had conversations with about parenting and heard them doubt themselves… question their choices or compare themselves to other parents they perceive to be doing it better…
They don’t realise how amazing they are!
So, I’m here to tell all of you parents that you’re doing great!
The sole fact that you ever wonder if you’re doing OK… ever consider if you’re getting it right shows just how much you care!
And when you do, inevitably, find you’re comparing yourself to other parents, remember this:
There is no such thing as THE perfect parent!
This is not a one-size-fits-all, off-the-shelf affair.
And ironically, that’s probably why it’s so hard!
It’s about being YOUR version of perfect.
Being what YOUR child needs.
It’s about just showing up and doing your best with what you can manage… and that might change day to day, minute to minute!
Because at the end of the day we don’t have super powers… we can’t conjure magic and we don’t have a Kevlar-clad suit to protect us! We’re human too.
‘Perfect’ is subjective!
What does your vision of ‘perfect parenting’ look like?
It’s probably different to mine… and different to our friends’ and neighbours’… and even different to our children’s idea of the ‘perfect’ parent! (I know my kids would say “One that gives us chocolate for breakfast, doesn’t force us to go to school and lets us play Fortnite all day…!?”)
The sad truth
Imagine this for a second, at the extreme end of the scale, a child who has grown up in care… has been passed through more residential and foster homes than they can remember… they’ve never known their parents… never known what it’s like to feel loved, to be held in a parent’s arms, felt comforted and safe…
Imagine what their ‘perfect parent’ would look like… it may be as simple as having a parent present—that would be perfect for them.
This is hard to imagine, but unfortunately, it’s the current reality for some children, and in the UK alone, over 100,000 children are growing up in care.1
Now, let’s take a look back at our lives and our children… all that they have… all that we try to offer them… all the ways we tell them we care and that we love them…
At the end of the day, the most valuable thing we can give our children is love!
So perhaps, even if we can only give our children LOVE… then maybe that’s PERFECT enough 💗
Take care and much love,
Julie x
NSPCC (2024). Statistics about looked after children. [online] NSPCC Learning. Available at: https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/statistics-briefings/looked-after-children.
And feel free to get in touch, I’d love to hear from you 💗
I’m not a parent, but I have so much respect for those who are. It’s not an easy job. 🙏