The difference between knowing and doing…
This week’s post is all about the difference between knowing what’s good for us and then doing what’s good for us - it takes practice; conscious effort, commitment and a whole lot of COMPASSION! 💗
“The Compassionate Mind Is The Mind That Transforms”
Paul Gilbert
So, how come we often know what’s good for us… but when it comes to actually doing what’s good for us, it’s really hard, right?!
My moods taken a bit of a dip this past week or so, understandable as I was feeling particularly fed up with nausea and all the other delights that come my way following another round of chemo (more on that later…).
But I now realise when my health declines, my mood is often there matching it like a loyal twin.
And it has taken me years, and I’m not exaggerating, years, to figure out what keeps me mentally well… and yes it’s the usual suspects, like exercise (sigh!) and healthy food (double sigh!), but then there’s so much more too… (keep a look out for the secret ingredient at the end…).
So let me share with you my top 5:
Yoga
Being outside
Meditation
Social connection
Gratitude
Yoga
Or any kind of exercise!
And there’s a reason this one continually crops up – because there’s a lot of evidence to say it’s a key aspect of physical and mental wellness.
For me, yoga is the one exercise I’ve taken to (and trust me I’ve tried almost everything!)
When I first started doing yoga, I realised it not only made me fitter, toned and healthier, but more energised and… happy!
It felt like I’d stumbled on some magic power – I didn’t know how it worked but I liked it!
And this was a turning point for me…
Once I stopped focusing on the physical benefits and how it made me ‘look’, but instead noticed how it made me ‘FEEL’, it was a game-changer.
I always step off the mat feeling better and more positive.
Unfortunately, however, at the minute this is out of bounds for me as I had surgery a few months ago and I’m still awaiting approval from my physio to return to full yoga practice…
Although I have found alternative sequences that wouldn’t put weight on my arms and chest… yet have I done them…?!?!?!? … Yes, I love yoga but it seems I can still subconsciously make my own excuses not to exercise…
And I wonder why my mood has taken a nosedive?!
But exercise doesn’t have to be the typical things, like the gym, running, hiit workouts… have some fun with it…
After all, if we enjoy the exercise we’re doing, then we’re more likely to do it regularly.
So here’s some alternatives to the usual…
Dance – have a kitchen disco, dance like nobody’s watching, trust me you’ll be burning through those calories and feel several notches higher on the wellbeing scale!
Be more child – get in on the action with your kids, enlist for the latest battle of Nerf wars or tag, register for regular football training happening in your back garden… (I’m sorry I have boys and this is how my local activity schedule looks!)
Go virtual – Anyone still have a Wii knocking around? Great for a bit of physical exertion! Or any other games console with physical play… it all helps.
There’s also some great online workouts you can do – we did one during lockdown where the kids had to pretend to be Avengers heroes and did a full-blown workout without even realising! YouTube is brilliant for this kind of thing, or Go-Noodle if you have younger kids to join in – or not, hey have some fun on your own!
Snowball fights - Admittedly this one only presents itself about once every three years, but something I actually partook in just this morning, and I can vouch that it is a great cardo workout - especially when it’s the 40-something parents Vs the kids!
Housework - OK maybe not up there on the ‘fun’ list, but something we all have to do so why not make it count as our weekly exercise routine!
Being outside
Being outside just makes me feel better!
I used to take at least one walk a day, and a good 1-2 hour walk a couple of times a week, as well as family walks every weekend…
‘What motivated me to do that’ I hear you ask…? Well, a very energetic and boundy black Labrador named Ruby!
She needed the exercise… She needed two walks a day… She could (and would) walk for miles!
We had no choice but to get out every day, despite the weather!
Now, however, (like the rest of us), Ruby is getting old, she’s almost 14, has arthritis and although in her head she’s still an excitable young girl, her body just can’t keep up (again, like the rest of us!)
She can’t walk that far now, and guess what… we don’t walk that far either – we don’t have to so we subconsciously choose not to.
It’s funny how sometimes it’s easier not to have a choice about things…
Yet there is so much evidence that being outside positively affects our mental health, especially depression and anxiety – the terrible twosome that frequent so many of us.
And there’s also growing research that it can have highly restorative benefits too, like feelings of comfort, reducing mental fatigue and helping us to think more clearly (yes, my word I need a bit more of this!).
It’s believed the great outdoors is a terrific all-rounder for our psychological wellbeing; both rejuvenating and inspiring, but also tranquil and calming.
Meditation
The impact mediation has had on my mental health is quite something!
Again, it’s like a magic power… yet of course there is a lot of scientific reasoning behind it! Nevertheless, I like to think of it as magic.
Meditation isn’t always easy… there are days when I don’t stop fidgeting the whole time, or I spend the entire practice running away with some intricate thought without realising it, and that’s OK.
But on other days, I literally feel like my mind has come back from a rejuvenating mini spa-break!
There’s a rumour that meditation is about not thinking any thoughts - which is actually impossible!
Our minds are made to think, we can’t stop that, but we can choose what thoughts to give our attention to, and this is where meditation comes in…
Sometimes too, our thoughts can be hard to sit with, and maybe that’s when it’s even more necessary… to acknowledge them, but then let them float off… imagine popping them on a cloud and letting it drift away through the sky…
The effect meditation has on my mind, makes me think of a snow-globe… I spend a lot of time (too much time) in my head, with so many thoughts, and worries, and to-do lists spinning around, like glitter in a snow globe; a wild frenzy of things shaken up and left spinning like a cyclone… swirling too fast to get a hold of.
But when I meditate, the snow globe is gently set down… the cyclone slows, and the glitter begins to settle… and after a few minutes, the water becomes calm and the scene beautifully created inside becomes clear.
Social Connection
I’ve spoken about this before (see here “Craving Connection”)… the fact that we’re social creatures… we’re not supposed to do this alone.
We thrive on social connection, being around others and feeling like part of a ‘tribe’, so of course this is important for our wellbeing and makes us feel good.
Gratitude
A few years ago, I started a little daily habit of thinking, or writing down, three things I was grateful for each day.
And it was fascinating how I soon realised there was so much to be grateful for… even on really bad days!
And it wasn’t grand gestures, it was the smallest, simplest things… like that first cup of tea in a morning… a warm shower… seeing a friend… the sun coming out… hearing my children laugh…
And it wasn’t the physical act of listing three things that was important here, it was building a healthy habit and noticing the ‘good’.
Even when there seems to be a lot of negativity, there’s always some glimmers of good to be found.
It was instilling a practice in me to be more open to and notice the little things to be thankful for… and ultimately how this makes me feel, how it lifts my spirits just a little bit, how it improves my sense of wellbeing…
And the more I did it, the easier it got… the less I had to look and the more I noticed…
And I’m not sure when I stopped this little habit, but maybe now’s a good time to start it up again.
So if I know all these things help me to stay mentally well, why do I still struggle to do them??…
Because life’s hard.
It’s not easy and things don’t just happen, we have to make them happen.
We have to bring a whole load of grit, commitment and determination, and that can be exhausting…
For me right now, I’m undergoing chemo, and more specifically the aptly named ‘red devil’ (I was tempted to expand on this but realise it may be more detail than you’d bargained for…)
So after having my third round the other week, I’ve been flung back into the jaws of the shark… hit by a tsunami… the drugs make me feel (extremely) nauseous… the anti-sickness meds makes me feel like I’ve had 10-too-many gins (I can’t see straight or successfully walk in a straight line)… and the injections I have for my immune system give me flu-like aches and pains…
And that’s without counting the ‘feeling-sorry-for-myself’ gurn attached to my face, or the fact I’m too scared to brush my hair, let alone wash it, for fear of it surrendering in my palm like a wounded soldier – every strand is hanging on for dear life right now!
Sometimes, we just have to admit defeat…
It’s more important to listen to our bodies. We are not built to be happy and well and 100% ALL of the time!!
And that’s OK.
Sometimes we have to hold our hands up and say OK, I need to allow this to pass…
Now unfortunately, I often retreat to the head-down-and-grit-your-teeth-til-you-reach-the-other-side mode…
On the other hand, what would be more helpful, is if I just paused for a second to take a quiet, calm breath (figuratively and literally!) And remember what will help me to not only persevere through this, but to get through the other side in a more positive way.
Easy huh? Or not! Because, I know what’s good for me – to eat healthily even when I’m craving carbs and sugar like I have a hangover, because I haven’t slept well… Taking 10 minutes to meditate instead of sitting scrolling on Insta for 30…Pushing myself to get some exercise, instead of sitting in the warm with my 12th cup of tea… Because some days it’s just too hard!
And that’s OK…
Self-compassion
But instead of getting mad or frustrated with ourselves, the thing we need most is self-compassion.
Self-compassion is the secret!
Self-compassion is what makes the difference!
To stop and look at where we are, acknowledge what we’re dealing with, how we’re trying our best to navigate through it, and cutting ourselves some slack!
Let’s show ourselves some love.
Imagine talking to ourselves like we would our best friend… showing ourselves the same compassion and support.
It may be uncomfortable at first, but keep trying, you may just be amazed at the difference it can make 💕
As always , an enjoyable and relatable read !
All week I've tried to eat better ..fail! Getting some walks in , but not nearly as often as I'd like- or should ! I'm greatful for a lot if things, right now I'm greatful for this blog and the cup of tea whilst reading it to start my day 😊