WE CAN'T DO IT ALL
This week's post is all about being realistic of the load we're carrying and recognising our capacity… we're only human after all!
“Just because she carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy”
L.R. Knost
So, since finishing uni… all of 10 days ago (at the time of writing this)… I no longer have assignments and dissertations hijacking my brain cells, and I feel like I’ve come back ‘home’.
And it feels good!
I’m much more patient with the boys… I’m more present with Steve… I have more time and energy, feel more enjoyment and peace.
And it’s made me realise just how UN-present I was at home during my degree… especially this last year!
And it’s made me so aware that WE CAN’T DO IT ALL!
SOMETHING’S GOT TO GIVE
Of course there was no way in heck I’d be able to continue parenting like I had been the previous eight years as a full-time mum AND commit to a full-time degree!
I’d suddenly gone from just ‘mum’ to ‘mum and student and trainee circus juggler’ (who I don’t believe would ever graduate clown school!)
Homework was through the floor… screen time went through the roof… and don’t even ask what the boys were eating for tea most nights!
Needless to say I’m still seeking that “blissful balance” …
You see, we only have so much time and energy… focus and patience …
WE ONLY HAVE SO MUCH CAPACITY!
And it’s OK… in fact, NO, it’s more than OK, it’s really important that we acknowledge just how much we have going on, and what is realistic, manageable and ‘healthy’ for us.
Quite frankly, this whole multitasking myth can sØd off - I’m someone who was never gifted with this so-called talent… I mean give my brain more than one thing to think about and I’m like a zombie lost in some distant apocalypse!
So it’s important to recognise when we need to accept, or even ask, for help.
WE NEED TO LET SOME THINGS GO
My friend ‘V’ explains this wonderfully by using the visual metaphor of a plastic bag (or perhaps a paper one… or reusable ‘bag for life’…) where we keep adding things and popping more in, taking on more tasks, saying ‘yes’ when we really mean ‘no’… until eventually it’s overflowing.
So, we can decide to either take something out and make some space, or brace ourselves for the wrath of the alternative… the handles snapping, dropping the whole blinking lot all over the floor… personal items rolling in every direction for all to see!
But how often do we actually stop and just take stock of how full our capacity is?
How often do we reassess whether we’ve taken too much on and need to let a few things go?
THE WONDER OF HINDSIGHT
Now, if only I’d taken more notice of this during my degree, (oh hindsight, you delayed pain in the @**!) Then, maybe I could have been more realistic, reduced the unnecessary pressure I was putting on myself, AND, I may have actually:
Remembered the countless birthday cards I forgot to send
Acquired a costume for World Book Day, rather than throwing football kits over the boys’ heads and feebly trying to convince myself that “yes of course ‘MoTD’ magazine passes as a book”!?!?
Not received copious reminders that ‘E’s ParentPay balance was overdrawn, dangling him dangerously close to a blacklisted credit rating by the age of 11!
And maybe, I would have realised it was ‘A’s “Bikeability” BEFORE I collected him from school… bike-less(!) and not impressed that he had to sit in on an extra English lesson while the rest of his class got to whizz round the playground on two wheels!
Needless to say ‘mum guilt’ has been unsurprisingly prominent!
WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO DO IT ALONE
However, in more compassionate moments, I remind myself that I’m only human, we’re all just human, we are not superhuman! We were not designed or expected to be able to do it all… on our own!
You see, we’re pack animals by nature, built to do this together, to rely on each other and work in groups… we need each other, we help and support each other.
So let’s give ourselves some credit for what we DO manage to achieve, day-in, day-out … even if that comes in the smallest of wins, like:
Remembering to take my daily vitamins (which seem to be more bi-weekly at the minute)
Remembering to make that dentist appointment that’s been on my to-do list for the past six months!
Or even just getting out of bed some days, and hey I manage to brush my hair before the school run too, then I’m doing pretty well!
Because sometimes, even the mundane everyday tasks are huge achievements that we should give ourselves credit for!
So go easy on yourself…
Stop and consider for a second how much load YOU’RE carrying, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.