It’s OK Not To Have All The Answers
This week’s post is about trusting our gut instinct… going with what feels right… and so much more!
“Always Trust Your Gut. It Knows What Your Head Hasn’t Figured Out Yet.”
Unknown
Trust that gut instinct
If something ‘feels’ right, go with it, even if you can’t see ‘why’ yet, it’s ok not to have all the answers because all will become clear…
I am slowly learning to trust what feels right… to trust that deep, internal voice that whispers to me…
Round One
I remember one of the first times I trusted this innate feeling – it was when I was pregnant with our first child and decided to leave my job, not just go on maternity leave but quit altogether!
I just knew it was the right thing! Even when HR tried to convince me otherwise… telling me how expensive babies are!
Steve and I talked about our options and thankfully were both on the same page when it came to me staying at home with ‘E’.
So, like good, responsible 30-year-olds(?!) we sat down and looked at it on paper… could we manage on just one income – Steve’s wage…
Well, if we save some here… are careful there… go down to one car (yeah I can walk everywhere right?!?!?)… then we might just manage it…!
We both wanted this so much that we were determined to make it work… we trusted that it was right for US.
Now, in reality, there was probably no way we could have managed just on Steve’s wage, not long-term. On paper, you think you have everything covered, but in the real world, we all know those pesky unexpected expenses that pop up when you’re least expecting it – like a jump scare in a film!
For instance, some of our unplanned expenses this past month have included:
A new tyre on the car because one got a nail in it!!…
£7.50(!) on two ‘Mr Whippys’ from the ice-cream van!! I’m talking regular, not large! Normal cone not waffle… and NO flake!! 😮
And… wait for it… the mother of all unexpected expenses… here it comes… a new boob!!! I’m not even joking - I’m allowed to go swimming again now (now I’m not radioactive!) but I’ve hit a barrier – since my mastectomy, I am noticeably ‘uneven’ without a prosthetic to balance me out visually, and of course this is going to be glaringly obvious in a tight, clingy Lycra swimming costume that grips all your lumps and bumps in the wrong places. So, option 2 is to wear my prosthetic, however, we all know how toxic swimming pool water appears to be (just open your eyes underwater and it’s like you’ve been attacked in the face with pepper spray), so you can imagine what it might do to a prosthetic and I am not running the risk of ruining my £170 ‘asset’ for a dip in the pool! So, yes I had to buy a ‘swimming boob’ (I mean, who knew these things existed!?), which I’m sure no one puts on their monthly budget sheet – even me!
Did you know that 83% of people with cancer are affected financially?
On average people are £570 a month worse off following a cancer diagnosis!
…So, needless to say, I’m currently looking for a ‘proper’ job, not just sitting in my kitchen writing to you guys – although I love doing this and would happily do it for the rest of my days, I need something that pays the bills… so if anyone is in need of a 42-year-old out-of-practice-in-the-whole-‘work’-thing, who sometimes needs a granny-nap by mid-afternoon BUT is fiercely passionate about supporting people with their emotional wellbeing and avoiding mental health problems – then I’m your girl!… I might have to work on my sales pitch!?
Went off on a big tangent there… reign it back in Julie…
Ah yes, so I left work when I had ‘E’… I had two blissful months to enjoy the end of my pregnancy, and I’ve had 12 years of being at home with the boys – I’ve volunteered through most of it and spent three years juggling a degree within that, but no ’real job’.
However, in a very bizarre and unexpected twist of fate, six months after ‘E’ was born, and without even being on the cards, events led to Steve getting a new job. A more secure, better-paid job, with a supportive organisation and better working conditions…
Which has meant that I could continue to stay off with the boys, (don’t get me wrong, we’ve had to make a lot of financial adjustments… it’s still been daunting and even scary at times, and has meant I’ve logged every penny to make sure we’re ‘managing’) but it’s also meant Steve’s had more time with the boys because of his shift pattern.
It's worked out! Miraculously and unexpectedly, but it’s worked out! It was right to trust our instincts!
And given the news and disruption to our lives this past year, I am eternally grateful and so lucky that I got all that (uninterrupted) time with my children when they were little 💞
Round Two
The second, most profound, moment I trusted my gut feeling without being able to rationalise it, was when I decided to do my degree…
I have written about this sense of ‘lost identity’ before (see post: “Who Am I?”), and when our youngest was coming up to starting school I was beginning to look at what I wanted to do… and decided I wanted a career change, from the 9-5 of admin into something that was going to be people-focussed and rewarding.
I was open to the idea of retraining, and going to uni… but I wasn’t sure what in.
I then came across the course that I ended up doing; ‘counselling and psychotherapy’, and I knew it was ‘right’, I could just feel it, there was no denying it… even though I had no desire to become a counsellor or therapist! (I know I can see the look of confusion on your face – I carried that look myself for a long time)! I just knew it was what I was meant to do…
So I went with it… three years of challenging learning (I’d been out of full-time education for 20 years! Ouch!), a huge shift for all of us at home, and getting myself into debt, but… I met some of the most amazing people on the planet, many of whom have become close and precious friends… I gained so much self-awareness… discovered so much about myself… and learned to face past experiences!
But, more than that, I believe the true reason I was meant to do this course is because it has helped me to navigate my cancer diagnosis - three weeks after my final lecture! (You can read more about that here: "So This Is What It Looks Like")
I don’t know how I would have ever coped with this before my degree – it taught me how to face challenges in life, that it’s OK to turn towards difficult situations and how to shift perspective… it has given me optimism, hope, positivity and courage.
Could I have ever imagined the reason I was meant to do this course? No.
Was it right to trust my gut feeling? 100%!
Am I glad I went with it? HECK YES!!!
Maybe it’s faith…
Maybe it’s intuition…
Or maybe, it’s acceptance…
“Being Able To Perceive Visceral Sensations Is The Very Foundation Of Emotional Awareness”
Bessel Van Der Kolk
> Have you had any times when you’ve trusted a gut feeling?
> Did it turn out to be the right thing?
> Have you trusted your gut instinct even though you didn’t know why at the time?
I’d love to hear your experiences – comment below or message me here:
I love your newsletter, Julie. ❤️ Thank you for sharing yourself with us.