Going Rogue
This week’s post is about those times when we need to unplug from the world for a little while…
“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
As I write this I’m currently AWOL… from the social world anyway!
Every so often, I feel a need to curl inwards and shut out the noise of the outside world.
Like I need quiet… and a sense of peace… I guess a call for self-care and focussing, uninterruptedly on me for a little while… (well partially, it’s never possible to be completely self-centred when you have kids!)
I just need a breather… perhaps a small hiatus from the current conversations of the world… from the pressure to be present, to be available, to be always striving and outward focussed… instead I need to turn my attention back to me… to tune-in.
Does this happen because I don’t give myself enough snippets of self-care throughout everyday life, that it comes in arrears like an outstanding debt… knocking loudly at my door – perhaps the only way to get me to pay attention as I’m unable to ignore it any longer.
More than a need, it’s a necessity; a positive and compelling force.
And I tend to find going AWOL happens quite abruptly, and often shows up at times when I’m struggling mentally or my mood dips or when I have something weighing heavy on my mind…
I’ve spoken before about learning to get better at recognising declines in my mental health, especially the onslaught of anxiety and depression – you can read more about that here on my ‘About’ page, and so perhaps this is becoming another one of my strategies – acknowledging the need to turn inwards and look after me before it engulfs me…
Time to log off
So what do I do when I ‘log off’ from the outside world?
Well today, I started by ranting at my journal!
My faithful comrade that I have come to rely on so much the past couple of years, but especially so since I engaged with a therapeutic journaling course last year, called “Rage On A Page”! [Read more about my journey with this in my post ‘Journaling Through The Rages’].
So I raged and threw it all at my poor journal this morning…
Every emotion… every thought… everything that was weighing me down… mostly anger!
Anger is a fairly ‘new’ emotion for me… well in the way that I am learning to be friends with it instead of pushing it away.
Anger is one emotion that always felt rather awkward to me, wrong even, but I have learnt that no emotions are ‘wrong’, just like no emotions are ‘bad’.
Some are more uncomfortable than others, but how we feel is real and true for us… our innate human response to situations.1
And what we do with that emotion is what matters.
For instance, pushing them away and ignoring them is not healthy, because suppressed emotions can lead to various physical health conditions due to the effect it can have on our body’s immunity.2
And this has made me think about how we often tell our children, “Don’t be angry… Stop getting angry…”. Just the other day, I had to stop myself from saying such things to E as he was having an angry outburst!
It’s healthy to express and release it, as long as it’s not hurting you or anyone else. And I’ve spoken before about managing my children’s emotions [See 'A Barrage Of Emotions']… evidently, I am still learning to tackle this one!
So it’s important to find ways of acknowledging all of our emotions, especially the strong and difficult ones like anger; some people may feel the need to ‘physically’ expel the energy by doing a workout, going for a run etc, others may find relief in music, for me, I write it out!
And I prefer to use the classic ‘pen and paper’ when I journal.
I find the tactile component of holding a pen in my hand and the evident mark left on the paper cathartic, like a vehicle for moving the emotion through me and onwards…
I feel the emotions and negative energy physically release through my fingers… and I am always fascinated by the clues communicated through my handwriting – for example, the anger today was displayed through LARGE letters and no respect or consideration for spelling and grammar whatsoever (not like me)!! Just big, hot, angry words flurrying fast across the page… until, slowly, as the anger began to dissipate, my logical brain re-engaged which gave way to problem-solving, and my writing began to slow down, shrink and become more eligible and recognisable.
The rewards of going rogue
So, what do I gain from this action of going AWOL?
I feel a sense of landing in peace and contentment, like the swirling blizzard of a recently shaken snow globe, that gently settles into calm and stillness…
But at the same time, I also gain a sense of strength and renewed resilience – to then be able to plug back in, switch back on and continue with life…
I also feel more present, as a mother, without the fragmented concentration and distraction of my screen and notifications consistently pinging through, vying for my attention.
In modern society and the technological age we live in, it’s getting harder to switch off and unplug. It takes concerted effort, perhaps more effort than we can muster most of the time! We are constantly available and always reachable… digitally at least.
And as my boys reach ages that phones are a necessity for modern life, and social media is looming, if not already seeping in, how do I navigate their healthy habits around technology and ‘unplugging’ when I’m barely managing it myself? Any suggestions about this are greatly appreciated here! Please let me know how you manage this, or if you have any ideas – let’s open conversations about this, share ideas and go into battle with social media as a platoon fighting for the same side!
I recently attended an online safety workshop for parents by an incredible organisation called ‘Positive Social’ who are supporting children, schools and parents with navigating the social media world positively, and safely.
We discussed social media apps and settings, creating boundaries, algorithms, associations with mood changes… and all without judgement; instead it was offered in a supportive and helpful way.
We were assured there are no ‘rules’, and we must see each child as an individual and decide what is going to work uniquely for them.
But most crucially, the importance of conversation!
It’s really important to talk to our children about social media, to have regular check-ins, and help them to communicate with us. Which is a challenge in itself, am I right?! Getting any sort of communication out of kids can be a mammoth task at the best of times! Again any advice or suggestions here are gladly received!
But even more than that it taught me to look at my own behaviours and routines with my phone, and take steps to try and improve it, for example, I now have automated downtime on my phone, whereby between 8 pm and 7 am my phone is technically offline. I can still access apps if I need them but the prompt makes me think twice and it’s really helped me to stop looking at my phone first thing in the morning!
It’s a small but positive change, and one that I hope continues to build and assist me with more time offline, and more time exclusively with ‘me’.
So… instead of going rogue:
Should I handle things a little differently? Yes, undoubtedly!
Should I warn people I’m falling off the face of the earth for a little while? Yes, most probably!
And should I find better, healthier ways of managing and prioritising ongoing self-care so that I don’t need such marked measures like absconding? Yes, absolutely!
But, in the meantime, as I’m learning to get better at this, I will take going AWOL as my interim course of action to benefit my moods and mental health as I become more vigilant around self-awareness and self-care.
Take care and much love,
Julie x
Feel free to get in touch, I’d love to hear from you 💗
Cherry, K. (2023) Emotions and Types of Emotional Responses. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-emotions-2795178#citation-9 (Accessed: 15 November 2024).
Maté, G. (2022) The myth of normal. London: Vermilion.
So good! Yes. Yes. Yes. Self-care! I think part of it for me is that I feel naturally inclined to get quiet, withdraw and "hibernate" a little bit this time of year.
Regarding social media I try not to look at my phone for the first hour or so after waking. I find I don't want all those seemingly loud, addictive energies right away.
I also made myself a list of "Things I Can Do Instead of Scrolling", including things like color or draw, dance or listen to music, consult my oracle decks, give myself a manicure, read, listen to a podcast or audiobook, love up my physical space (sounds nicer than "housework" right?), and open my Mesa (which is a type of altar I set up on the floor--setting it up and putting it away is part of the ritual). That said, I admit I do not actually consult this list often enough. Thank you for the nudge!
I know it's not as easy to take the time for these kinds of things with kids. It sounds to me like you're doing pretty well on the whole with realizing when you need a re-boot!